The Damage of Social Rejection
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning, particularly for HFA children, since they receive so much of it.
Because we tend to internalize how others treat us, rejection damages self esteem, and often causes anxiety and depression. As we feel worse about ourselves and become more anxious and depressed, we perform worse socially and intellectually.
This triggers more rejection. A feedback loop develops which amplifies the problem. HFAs start with a minor social deficit which is amplified by this vicious circle.
There are many possible starting points for this downward spiral. Physical ability, and coordination are very important to social status in young children, particularly boys. HFAs tend to have poor motor coordination. This is one common of many possible beginning points of the HFA children's downward spiral.
HFAs seem to be more sensitive to social rejection and thus negatively condition to it more quickly. This makes this downward spiral more severe for them.
Though may people see HFA's inappropriate comments in social situations as due to lack of social skills. That is not the source of these comments. We all tend to say inappropriate, and sometimes tactless things when were anxious. Because of the anxiety, we do not to substitute socially appropriate statements for what we really feel. That is, we tend to be more blunt and honest when we are anxious or resentful.
Like all of us, they become resentful and angry at those who have hurt their feelings. Many of their inappropriate remarks to peers come out of a combination of their social anxiety and their anger. Their inappropriate comments are really not well veiled anger springing from their experience of rejection. Though they superficially care how others regard them, like the rest of us, pay backs are satisfying, particularly when they have given up any hope of being accepted. The accuracy with which they can place these barbs in their victims vulnerable spots is testimony to the accuracy of their social perception.
They do better socially with adults because they have less fear of being rejected. If they applied the same skills to peers as they do with adults they would also do well with peers. But, the fear of rejection inhibits their access to their social skills.
As described in research included below, the damage from rejection is not limited to social performance. It can also severely damage their intellectual functioning. This is very worrisome since intelligence is often their saving grace.
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Rejection massively reduces IQ |
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Emma Young, |
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Rejection can dramatically reduce a person's
IQ and their ability to reason analytically, while increasing their
aggression, according to new research. "It's been known for a long time that
rejected kids tend to be more violent and aggressive," says Roy
Baumeister of the Baumeister's team used two separate procedures
to investigate the effects of rejection. In the first, a group of strangers
met, got to know each other, and then separated. Each individual was asked to
list which two other people they would like to work with on a task. They were
then told they had been chosen by none or all of the others. In the second, people taking a personality test
were given false feedback, telling them they would end up alone in life or
surrounded by friends and family. Aggression scores increased in the rejected
groups. But the IQ scores also immediately dropped by about 25 per cent, and
their analytical reasoning scores dropped by 30 per cent. "These are very big effects - the biggest
I've got in 25 years of research," says Baumeister. "This tells us
a lot about human nature. People really seem designed to get along with
others, and when you're excluded, this has significant effects." Baumeister thinks rejection interferes with a
person's self-control. "To live in society, people have to have an inner
mechanism that regulates their behaviour. Rejection defeats the purpose of
this, and people become impulsive and self-destructive. You have to use
self-control to analyse a problem in an IQ test, for example - and instead,
you behave impulsively." Baumeister presented his results at the annual
conference of the British Psychological Society in |
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